


Albus and Shrek Are Put to the Kanye Test

by ermayzing



Series: The Shrek Chronicles [4]
Category: Shrek Series
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Rap Battles, mixtapes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 09:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5370026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermayzing/pseuds/ermayzing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shrek has been leaving for work earlier than usual lately, and Albus is suspicious. When he finds out that Shrek has secretly been rapping with Kanye West, what will happen to their relationship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Albus and Shrek Are Put to the Kanye Test

**Author's Note:**

> written on April 3, 2015.

**INSPIRED BY THIS PICTURE:**

  

 

Albus knew something was going on the first time Shrek left at 7am. His work day didn’t begin until 9am. _He could just be going in early_ , Albus thought. But he knew that wasn’t the case, either. Shrek was never one to ogrework himself.

 

It was the following Wednesday when Albus found the answer. Shrek had been acting particularly off that day, and Albus made a plan to follow him. He didn’t dare sneak up on Shrek. His tooth still hadn’t grown back.

 

Upon following him, Albus noticed the familiar path. It was the same path he himself had taken once before. It led to what was considered the most dangerous territory in the entire swamplands…

 

**The rap battle arena.**

 

 _But why would Shrek go there? Shrek can’t rap… can he? No, that would be absurd!_ Albus reasoned with himself. But then…

 

“SWAMP SWAMP SWAMP MUD IS THE OPPOSITE OF WATER DAS’ RIGHT MUD MUD MUD MUD,” a voice echoed, the sound reverberating off of the trees surrounding the area. Albus gasped, not believing his ears. It was Shrek.

 

Soon, another voice was heard, “ayo this my homie Shrek, he lettin’ me use his swamp, he a cool ogre oh yeah das’ right.”

 

 _That can’t be…_ Albus thought. _It is! That’s Kanye West!_ Albus found himself stomping over to the entrance, a whirlwind of emotions running through him. Since when did Shrek rap? He didn’t mind, but he could have at least told him. He wondered if Shrek was any good…

 

The door was flung open, and Albus Dumbledore was met with a sight he never once thought he would lay eyes on. There, up on the local rap battle arena stage, stood Shrek, in a leather jacket, sunglasses, gold chains, some expensive shoes, and… was that a grill?

 

Shrek turned quickly, eyes widening, “Dumbledore! What… what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home?”

 

“I don’t know Shrek. Shouldn’t _you_ be at home?” Albus retorted.

 

Kanye just looked uncomfortable.

 

“Also, Shrek, please tell me, since when do you rap?” There was a clear tone of annoyance in Dumbledore’s voice.

 

Shrek pushed up his glasses, a new aura of arrogance taking over his form. “Since forever, Albus.”

 

Albus was appalled. He looked to Kanye West, who was the Kanye best, in search of answers. “How long have you and Shrek known each other?!” He shrieked.

 

“Look, Dumbbell, me and The Ogrelord over here have a record label together. You’re a bit late to the party.”

 

“Who is ‘The Ogrelord’ exactly? Surely you’re not talking about Shrek…”

 

Shrek stepped forward, and ripped open his jacket, revealing his green chest. Albus gasped at the sight. A large tattoo occupied the space, reading, in big bold lettering, **THE OGRELORD.**

 

Albus’ annoyance increased. “Well,” he began, “Shrek, if you’re so good at rapping… why don’t you show me?”

 

Shrek’s voice seemed to go an octave higher as he voiced, “...what?”

 

Albus only smirked.

 

“Okay, then…”

 

Kanye rolled his eyes and put a hand up, “Shrek, there’s no need for you to prove yourself to this… this _bearded swine_. You are The Ogrelord. You are legendary, Shrek,” Kanye’s words echoed in Shrek’s head.

 

“You’re right, Kanye. I don’t need to prove myself. But… don’t you dare call Albus Dumbledore a bearded swine.”

 

Albus’ eyes widened at this. “Shrek…”

“Sorry, Kanye. You are the Kanye best… but I think it’s time you took a Kanye rest. Go snuggle up in your Kanye nest, and have yourself a Kanye rest. Keep a good name to the Kanye crest, and be sure to keep your Kanye zest. Kanye West, you’re the Kanye best, but I’m afraid that this was nothing more than a Kanye test. I’m going home with Dumbledore, where we will have a Kanye fest. And you’re not invited.”

 

Kanye’s mouth fell open, and Albus’ mouth widened in a smile. Shrek grabbed Albus’ hand, pulling him out of the arena and towards their home.

 

“How was that for proof?” Shrek laughed. Dumbledore laughed too.

 

“Well… I do have a secret of my own, you know,” Dumbledore admitted, effectively confusing Shrek.

 

“Oh yeah? What is it?” Shrek inquired.

 

Dumbledore paused, then whispered, “I rap too.”

 

That was the day that Shrek cried tears of joy. The two went home, and immediately upon returning, recorded their very own mixtape. They put out an advertisement announcing that it will be dropped on April 22nd, which was Shrek’s birthday.

 

The mixtape dropped, and it was **on fleek.**

 

“Happy Birthday, Ogrelord,” Albus smiled.

 

“Hey, that’s _The_ Ogrelord, to you,” Shrek reminded, ripping his shirt open and revealing his tattoo.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Somewhere off in a far away place, Kanye West sat, reminiscing about that day in the arena. Something about it just didn’t add up. How could someone out-rap him using his own name? That was unheard of.

 

Kanye West was the Kanye best. But this was Shrek’s swamp. And Shrek is…

  
_**The Ogrelord.** _


End file.
